Lunch and shopping with my mom yesterday went well. We did end up having a good time. We ate out first and I talked her into having a drink with lunch. She rarely drinks but likes one occasionally. Then we went shopping for my birthday present, a new winter coat. I found one, and also some boots. We had a good time laughing over kid stories and just talking in general, so it was fun.
Then I came home and got to listen to dh bitch and swear about the remote for the cable not working, which is always fun. I have never met anyone who has such a short fuse for things not working right, and who throws a bigger tantrum over such stupid things. It makes me crazy. I just get this knot of tension in my chest, and I want to scream at him to shut up! If I say anything though, it just makes him worse because he says I'm jumping on him when he's already mad. But he does it so often (over the cable, the computers, the refrigerator, you name it) that there isn't a GOOD time to talk to him about it. It just isn't normal for a grown man to be screaming obsenities at the top of his lungs just because something stupid isn't doing what it's supposed to do. No, the cable remote doesn't work right. Yes, it is irritating for all of us. But he's the only one screaming (yes, screaming) "GOD DAMN THIS FUCKING THING!" at the top of his lungs, never mind if the kids are here, or trying to sleep, or whatever. I hate it.
Sometimes, I wish I just lived alone. I wonder if I would still be married if I could afford not to be financially, I really do. The happiest time of my life was after my ex moved out and it was just the kids and I here. Not that I'd want to give up my youngest if I could turn back the clock somehow and do it over. She really is the light in my life. All of my kids are.
Like I've said before, I've made some bad choices in my life. Now I have to live with them.
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