Fridays

I am so tired of being spoken to like I somehow am some classless hick next to his West Hartford elite.  If I say anything, he acts like I'm being unreasonable and jumping all over him for no reason, just to be a jerk.  He doesn't get that his job doesn't make up for his attitude.  He's rude to me on a regular basis, talks to me like I'm his servant when things aren't going his way, as if it's my fault that he's technologically incapable. 

He wonders why M. throws tantrums over every little things when he is such a shining example.  Every single time something goes wrong, it's "Fuck this fucking thing" until we all just want to scream.

If I hear one more damn time that he hates living here, hates this house, hates his life, hates anything and everything, I'm going to freak out.  He complains about eating in the living room, which is not something we ever did regularly before he came here, but if I say I want to eat in the kitchen at the table he doesn't want to because he's all stretched out with his feet up and watching TV. 

I'm just so tired.  I get sick of the tension, the shouting, everything.  I wonder constantly how I ended up here.  Well, I don't really wonder.  I know how I ended up here.  I just wish that I could change things.  I wouldn't trad the kids for anything.  I love all three of them so much.  I just am so tired of being miserable because I can't for the life of me make a good choice in men.  First it was my ex.  He had his good points, the main one being that he didn't drink and kept his job, but he was a self-centered ass who never, ever gave a damn about anyone but himself and certainly had no interest in making any improvements around here because that would require him to get his ass off the couch. Now it's my husband, who works his ass off when he's not screwing himself out of a job by being completely irresponsible.  He's been through, what, eight jobs in the three years I've known him?  There's the way he alternately scares, disappoints and adores our daughter.  That's not going to screw her up at all, is it? 

If either of my daughters marry men like either of their fathers, I will personally lock them both in the cellar so that I can have them deprogrammed.  Because I wouldn't wish either of these men on my girls.  And yet I married both of them.  I'm fucking brilliant.