Today I am having lunch with my mother. We're also going shopping and she's buying me a new winter coat for my birthday. Actually my birthday was last month, but this is the first chance we've had to go out together because of all the snowstorms we have had. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm always a little nervous going out with her. If she's in a good mood, we have a blast together. We've had some really good times going out and going on trips to Boston and such.
When she's in her "Queen Bee" mood however, it's just a test of self-restraint on my part. Then she spends the day telling me what I'm doing wrong in my life and how much better she does things. She doesn't talk about the big things, mostly because I don't share those with her. No, it's that she folds laundry better than me, that she cooks better, that she manages her money better, that my kids aren't polite enough, that she doesn't understand why I don't to (fill in the blank) the way she would. Then she starts in on my step-father. He's not really my step-father, they never did get married, but they've dated on and off since I was seven and have lived together since I was about 22. I'm 38 now.
I agree with her about him. I wish he'd move out so they could both be happier people. They haven't been a couple for decades, just living in the same house and hating it because he can't afford to live without her and she doesn't have the heart to tell him to go. I think he's a fool for letting his kids take advantage of him the way they have, and that if he'd cut them off at some point much earlier than this maybe they would have learned to be grownups at some point and become more self-reliant instead of the total wastes of space like they are, at least the two boys. His daughter is just a jerk, but she is at least a responsible adult. My mom would never kick him out because he can't afford to live anywhere else since thanks to his kids all he has left is social security. I just worry because he has Parkinson's and beyond the fact that I think it's unfair that my mom is going to be stuck caring for a man that she hasn't been in a relationship with for years, I'm concerned that he could hurt her as the disease progresses. She's admitted he already has sometimes violent dreams, and although he's never laid a finger on her that could change.
In the past, I've always taken his side because he's a kind, gentle man who just got taken advantage of by his children. He's always been like a second father to me, and I've always liked having him in our lives. The problem is that a year or so ago his attitude toward me changed. Suddenly he started hitting on me, calling me up and saying highly inappropriate things to me, expressing very clearly that he'd like to make our relationship more physical. I know it's the disease, I keep telling myself that. And my husband agrees, although he's offered to deal with it for me if it happens again. But it creeps me out on so many levels. First, the fact that he's been like a dad to me and is now trying to ... well, ick. Second, he's 74 or so, and I'm just not interested in that. And of course, the fact that I'm MARRIED and he's living with my mom.
As I said, I keep telling myself it's the Parkinson's causing it, but I can't help how I feel. I don't want anything to do with him. I wish he would move out and just go away. I don't want to talk to him on the phone or in person. I don't want him around me or my kids. I just can't deal with it. I hate that I can't even call my mom's house without being afraid she won't be home and he'll answer. I finally stopped brushing it off to spare his pride and told him flat out that I do not, and never will, think of him that way. That I've always considered him my step-dad even though he and my mom never married. His response was that he wasn't my step-dad. He said he'd stop talking about it, but to let him know if I ever changed my mind. I told dh that if it happens again, he can deal with it and talk to him for me. The only incident since then was when he asked if we had any porn he could borrow. I told him no, and hung up. If it happens again, I will tell my dh. The whole thing just makes my skin crawl.
Anyway, I've got to start getting ready, which means waking dh up to watch dd2. Wish me luck.
No comments:
Post a Comment